Happy

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free

I can't stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what if i break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear,
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here
I can't stand by your side,
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by


So any turns that i can't see,
I'll count on a stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

Re-so what??

I decided on my one secret wish - that maybe, after all these years I'm not cut for it. It's not a bad thing, for I know where my strength is and how I could put it into good use.

I decided amidst all the chaos around the country, I am gonna sit back, calm down and learn how to actually write down some resolutions for 2010. After all, I am 4 months away from turning 24. I better be all grown up.

Theme: Beautiful inside out


Resolutions:

1. Flatten my tummy. PLEASE! MORE EXERCISE

2. Keep to my budget. Make sure it is up-to-date.

3. Relive my passion in cooking. Try some new recipes once a month.

4. Start a new life in a different place. Learn new culture and opportunity.

5. Patriarchal system is not fair, not Islamic.

6. Return to Toastmasters International.

7. Don't miss usrah.

8. Don't react on anger. Just keep silent.

9. Of course, GET MARRIED!

Silence

Her silence breaks the noise,

There's no more smile to light up the mornings,

She's not at the door to wave goodbye or see you later,

She's there, but she's not there,

Unwilling to cajole herself,

Nor to make amends,

Everyone wears the hat of the victim,

Denying themselves the crime they've committed,

Against themselves and the others,

Who'll make the next move?

Everyone's waiting...

In silence, they're scheming,

Drawing up arguments to justify their acts...

So much pride to lose

Just so much pride to lose...

If I had a son

I would wake him up early in the morning,

Make him do the laundry while his sister helps me prepare the breakfast,

Ask him to remind his dad of his duty to sweep the floor,

We'd love to start the day together,

Once he's done with the laundry,

I'd make sure he'd lay the table,

So everyone will be smiling on breakfast, 

thanking each other what they have done,

Then, when we've finished,

we'd clean up the table,

Something we enjoy doing as a family,

And we'd race to get the front cover of the newspaper,

Reading is our passion and we discuss what can we do to make a difference

No one is right, nobody is wrong

What's important is they recognise the need to bring good to people,

Not just for themselves

And when my son is old enough to bring me a daughter in-law,

I'd tell him,

"Your wife is your companion, not your maid.. she has goals for her career too, just like you. She's gonna be home feeling tired just like you. So why is that she needs to do extra chores for you? Don't rob her off her dreams by taking away her chance on success just to do things you can do for yourselves. You're not the only one who needs her, other people might need her too. Be just. Or you'll have to answer it to God"

I'd hope I've taught him to be truly God-fearing.

Home, sweet home

Haha..it's funny reading my last post. I pledged to myself to write more but none has been written until I've left the place that I've 'grown up' in. So, I decided to just edit the title and replaced it with a more realistic one.

Anyhow, thanks kilah for your loyalty of waiting. If you must know, I'm really bad at keeping my blog updated. Teha can testify on this, gladly.

At this very minute, I have just hung up the laundry which I had to do 'manually' because our Lux washing machine decided to cause a flood last night. Reminds me of the time when I used to spend my long school breaks at my kampung in Jasin, Melaka. My grandparents' washing machine brokedown and I did the honour of handwashing all my 4 siblings' clothes (don't think my eldest sister was there) plus my 2 other cousins' plus, my grandparents'. At that time, I really enjoyed doing all the house chores because it made me feel useful, important and an adult although I was only 14 or 15. One thing I am proud of myself is that, when I want to do something, I put my heart into it, and I want to do it perfectly. Which is why, I often had to endure my grandma complaining about how I took my time to (1) wash the clothes (2) cut the onions, garlics, gingers, vegies and etc. (3) fold the laundries, (4) the list goes on. I never took grandma's comments negavitvely because she didn't really want me to do all that stuff. She was just too kind. Too motherly. Have I told you how she taught me to cook?

Whenever I burnt the foods, she went "that one that's burnt, usually tastes better". I know, I know, I've been telling people this story thousand times over. I just don't want to forget.

My grandpa on the other hand, was very unconventional for Malay men from his time. Put him beside my dad, my grandpa was never a patriarchal type. At that time I had to wash the clothes with my own hands, my grandpa washed his himself. He never believed in making women do things for men. He fasted every Monday and Thursday, but he didn't make grandma to prepare his 'sahur' (early morning meals, before the break of dawn). It's only grandma who insisted on making meals for him. Whenever he asked his grand daughters to help out the aunties and grandma, he made sure that his other grand sons were doing some other chores. He was very knowledgeable and he could not emphasise enough on the importance of education to his family members. I recall him singing japanese songs when he was shaving in front of the mirror and how he would talk about history and a bit of politics in the couch.

Every time grandpa saw me he would go "Where's my brightest grandchild?" and he curved a wide smile which would essentuate his handsome square jaw. How I missed that face. He never reminded me of any limits that I have as a girl to reach my true potentials. Girl or boy, you can do what you believe to achieve and you should not deny yourself of the chance nor anyone around you should do that to you. He didn't stop his children but he would stop grandma from asking their children to come back. He'd say "let them live their lives".

It's been 6 years since grandpa passed away, and only 4 years after grandma left for eternity. Washing clothes with my own hands does not give the same feeling it did years ago. I am just frustrated.

My parents were luckier. They got it their way. At my age, they even had a child. Their parents let them make decisions for themselves. Even if they did things for their parents, they did it because of THEIR choice, whenever they could. But look at me, I am doing the same old thing I've been doing for my holidays since I was 15. Not that it is my choice. Do I have a choice?

Goodbye Melbourne

It's been a year since I left Noah Feldman's Islamic State half read. Today, I decided to revisit the book. It's the book I often recommend to my fellow friends who are skeptical about the establishment of God's law as the total law that should govern the world- politics is not excepted.

This is the forth and the final year I am staying in Melbourne. In fact, I only have few weeks left before JPA send me packing to my home sweet home, Malaysia. I am determined to blog more often this remaining weeks since I've passed my obligations towards school and I'd like to count the best memories I have in Melbourne, while I am still here.

Speaking earlier about a book, I learned in my final year here that actually, a lot of Malaysian students here are well read and very knowledgable. Their only problem is attitude - we don't often translate what we've learned into actions. They read, acknowledge, and run straight to the nearest pub for Merdeka countdown. Such a shame! (And I am not sorry if I do offend some of you for what I wrote). Worst still, some could be indifferent about what's going on around them or in the country despite getting a lot of information.

What saddens me most is when students who are fully sponsored who have this kind of childish and unintellectual attitude. It's just not helping the country. When they get back to Malaysia, what are they going to bring? Just to be another ordinary worker? Then what good is it to invest RM700 k on you?

You wanna have fun, fine! But not for every other week - that is as if you have worked hard enough.

And let's not talk about ORIGINAL IDEA - just not yet. That is just too far from win.

However, having 'masterminded' the first student unity forum, I must say, there is HOPE in Melbourne. First year students especially have shown their courage, intelligence and dedication to make Melbourne a better place for Malaysian students. Above all, I am proud and content that these freshmen have their minds set for the betterment of our beloved country. With a little guidance from the far, I am convinced that they could work out miracles. Furthermore with the new line of MASCA leadership, I know that 'Suara Melbourne' will be heard of one day. A voice, that is of value, not just mere cheap politicking with no substance.

Me and Debbie (now the current chairperson of MASCA Vic) after the forum

Looking ahead to Malaysia's future

If people ask me, how I want to be remembered once I leave, I'd like them to remember this - I was a nobody but I could make a change. I was not a MASCA committe, nor was I anyone important in KUAM or any big student bodies - none. But I believe for something larger than life, for I have faith and really love my country. You don't need all that to make a difference if you really are sincere. There's a good in everyone. Find the sincerest part in you and let it shine =) for nothing will come out of it but GOODNESS and BETTERMENT for humankind!

In the meantime, I just use whatever little time I have to rectify my mistakes, try to colour people's life and contribute to change.

Till then. God Bless.

Pelajaran dari kuliah tafsir

Kelmarin pergi kuliah tafsir di Melbourne Uni.

Surah Al-Qariah. Ye, semua orang dah hafal waktu umur 4, 5, 6 tahun dulu. Maksud tajuk surah, simple "Hari Qiamat".


Take home message: Betapa, umat Islam umumnya sedia maklum tentang kepastian dan janji Allah tentang tibanya hari kiamat. Dah, rukun iman pun menyebut "Percaya kepada hari Qiamat" Tapi, apa usaha kita untuk bersedia menghadapi hari yang penuh fitnah tersebut?

Benda yang menyentap hati dan minda saya adalah apabila ustaz yang menyampaikan kuliah memberikan satu contoh

"Haa, ni musim-musim exam ni. Kita semua tahu dah exam tu akan tiba. Siap tahu tarikh bila lagi, soalan pun kadang-kadang dah tahu...tapi tak jugak study..sampai last minute"

Itu exam, boleh lagi study last minute. Soal Hari Qiamat, tak tahu bila. Kalau tiba-tiba dia datang, sempat ke nak bertaubat dan beramal last minute?

Yang membuatkan manusia leka dan hanyut dalam maksiat adalah rapuhnya keyakinan seseorang itu terhadap hari kebangkitan yang penuh dahsyat. Bak kata kakak naqibah saya, tak cukup yakin setakat mengiyakan dalam hati. Itu masih belum betul-betul percaya. Yang dikatakan percaya dan yakin itu, adalah apabila ia terzahir dalam perlakuan, perkataan dan penampilan kita sehari-hari.

Tukar topik sikit..

Cakap pasal exam ni, saya sendiri geram tengok kawan-kawan yang menginginkan jalan pintas untuk mendapat keputusan cemerlang. Setengah tahun tidak menyentuh lecture notes dan membuat assignment sekadar buat. Musim peperiksaan pun, tunggu sampai 2,3 hari sebelum paper baru kelam kabut. Bila dah keluar result, Alhamdulillah pass, Allah Maha Pemurah. Tetapi yang melucukan mereka (ada hati) merasakan bahawa mereka layak untuk mendapat markah yang lebih tinggi.

Kalau saya, saya malu. Malu dengan Tuhan. Bagi saya, agak kurang adab dengan Allah bila kita mahukan sesuatu yang kita inginkan tanpa usaha yang selayaknya. Sunnatullah, kejayaan dalam pelajaran itu biasanya hasil komitmen pelajar terhadap pelajaran. Saya malu untuk berdoa kepada Allah minta lulus dengan cemerlang jika saya tahu masa yang dihabiskan untuk bersosial, ber'facebook' dan bertangguh-tangguh melampaui masa yang saya komited dengan pelajaran dan amal kebajikan. Bila jadi macam tu, yang saya doakan adalah Tuhan ampunkan saya kerana telah bertindak zhalim pada diri sendiri dan saya mohon bantuan agar dikuatkan diri untuk terus berusaha sehingga layaklah bagi diri ini mendapat apa yang diidamkan. Habis daya pun, saya merintih untuk bergantung semata-mata di atas rahmat-Nya dan jadikanlah saya hamba yang lebih bersyukur dan lebih taat kepada perintah dan larangan-Nya.

Jadi sahabat-sahabat yang dikasihi sekalian, seriuslah terhadap pelajaran anda jika anda mengharapkan Allah mengurniakan kejayaan yang cemerlang. Segala-gala yang wujud di bumi ini milik Allah. Maka buatlah seperti apa yang Allah perkenan.